You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
