is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
