Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
