My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
