The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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