Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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