wrigley field is MILF paradise
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
