so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize