I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
