so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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