Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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