i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
