im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
