Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
