how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize