I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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