I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
