I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
It was like getting head from an anaconda
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
