just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
ttyl tear gas
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
