JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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