I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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