Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Randomize