I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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