so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
