I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
