You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
