Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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