no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
