i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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