u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
