Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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