when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
