Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
