I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
