We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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