his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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