You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I can't trust your balls anymore.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize
