a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
