I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
