A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
