My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
