You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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