My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
