Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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