I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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