just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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