You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
