She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize