you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
