I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
