I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
