people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize