Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
