The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
