Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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