i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
