I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
