you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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