just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
