I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
