I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
