He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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