i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
third nipple confirmed
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
