Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize