Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
