U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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