i was rollin on her like bob the builder
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
