so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
