Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
