I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
