mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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