he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize