Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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