The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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