The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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